I'm sorry

Dear ____________,

I haven't been a good friend. I've been selfish. I'm probably one of the most confusing people you have ever met. I used to give 110% and lately I have barely given you 10%. I haven't been listening, but it's not that I don't care. I care a lot. Possibly more than you could ever fathom. I'm so sorry I freaked out and got upset. I lost my cool and it wasn't your fault. I'm sick of making excuses. I'm sick of complaining. I just want to make it better. It feels like every second I am on edge worrying that your going to take something the wrong way. And you do. But then you tell me to express myself and say how I'm feeling. But what if the reason I don't say how I feel is because I don't want to hurt anyone? I HATE hurting people. I still don't know why you want to keep me around when I hurt you so bad. I have been trying so hard.

I'm not used to being loved like this. Not by friends at least. You haven't left yet and it's freaking me out still. It's still hard for me to talk sometimes because I don't always know why I'm feeling a certain way.

Yesterday I was happy. I haven't been happy like that in so long. And some how it came off that I was rubbing it in. But it wasn't like that at all.

I'm not a very good communicator but I'm willing to try. I'm willing to do anything that you want me to do. My fear of heights for instance, you encouraged me to just give it a chance and conquer it. I did. I'm changing because of you more than you know.
You have touched my life immensely. You cared enough to become weak and vulnerable, to show you truly cared.

We need to talk like we said we were going to talk.

I'm so sorry I'm a jerk, moody, and a lot of times undecipherable. Please don't give up on me because I will NEVER give up on you.
I just want to make you happy.

I love you.
Kate